When someone controls your contraception or pregnancy choices

Your body, your decision. Reproductive coercion is when someone pressures, tricks or forces you to make choices about contraception or pregnancy that you do not want to make. It can be a partner, an ex, or a family member, and it can happen in any relationship, whatever your gender. It is a form of abuse, and it is often part of wider coercive control.

It is more common than most people think. A research review found that as many as one in four women using sexual and reproductive health services report some form of control over their reproductive lives.

What it can look like

• Hiding, throwing away or swapping your pills, or taking out your ring or patch
• Taking off a condom during sex without telling you (sometimes called “stealthing”), or poking holes in condoms
• Lying about having had a vasectomy or about using contraception
• Stopping you getting to a clinic, pharmacy or doctor, or refusing to let you have a coil or implant
• Pressuring you to get pregnant, saying things like “if you loved me you would”, or threatening to leave or hurt you
• Pressuring you to end a pregnancy, or to continue one, when you want to decide for yourself
• Checking your phone, period tracker or pill packs to monitor your cycle

Some signs it might be happening

• Your pills keep going missing, or a condom “just came off” more than once
• You feel afraid or anxious about raising contraception or testing for pregnancy
• Your partner gets angry about your period, your appointments or your plans
• You have needed emergency contraception or a pregnancy test more than once because of what someone else did
• You are not allowed to make decisions about money, your phone, your body or who you see

What you can do

• You can ask for contraception on your own. NHS contraception services are free and confidential, including for people under 16.
• If someone comes with you to a clinic, a nurse can ask to see you alone. That is normal and you do not have to explain why.
• Some people choose a method that is less easy for someone else to tamper with day to day, such as the implant, a coil or the injection. A sexual health nurse can talk this through privately with you.
• Emergency contraception is free from sexual health clinics and many pharmacies, and works best the sooner you take it.
• If a condom was removed without your agreement, ask a sexual health clinic about emergency contraception and an STI test. If you think you may have been exposed to HIV in the last 72 hours, go to a sexual health clinic or A&E and ask about PEP.
• Tell someone you trust, or a helpline, even if you are not ready to do anything else. You do not need to be sure it is abuse to ask for advice.

Keeping your phone and tracker private

If someone checks your phone, think about who knows your passcode and who can see your accounts. Splash has a PIN lock in Settings. Clearing your browser history and notifications can also help. If you think you are being tracked or watched, a helpline can talk through safe options with you.

Where to get help (UK)

• In immediate danger: call 999. If you cannot speak, stay on the line and press 55 when asked (mobile only).
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge): 0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours a day
• Men’s Advice Line (for men experiencing abuse): 0808 8010327
• Galop (LGBT+ abuse and violence helpline): 0800 999 5428
• Rape Crisis England and Wales Support Line: 0808 500 2222
• Under 19? Childline: 0800 1111, free and confidential, or chat at childline.org.uk
• Sexual health clinics and your GP can help with contraception, emergency contraception, STI tests and safe, private conversations. Call 111 if you are not sure where to go.