Pregnancy loss: you are not alone

If you are reading this because you have lost a pregnancy, we are so sorry. Whatever you are feeling right now, whether that is heartbroken, numb, relieved, angry or confused, it is valid. Please be gentle with yourself. If this is not about you, thank you for caring enough to learn.

In the UK, miscarriage means losing a pregnancy before 24 weeks. It is common, especially in the first 12 weeks. Tommy’s estimates that early miscarriage happens in 10 to 20 in every 100 pregnancies, and later (second trimester) loss in 3 to 4 in 100. Because so many people stay quiet, it can feel very lonely when it is actually very common.

It is not your fault

Most early miscarriages happen because the baby’s chromosomes or genes did not develop in a way that allowed the pregnancy to continue. It happens by chance, and nothing you did or did not do caused it. Most people who miscarry go on to have a successful pregnancy.

What happens

The main sign is vaginal bleeding, often with cramping tummy pain. Sometimes there are no signs and a miscarriage is found at a scan (a “missed miscarriage”). A miscarriage cannot be stopped once it has started. Before 14 weeks you may be offered waiting for it to pass (usually about 2 weeks, but it can take longer), medicine, or a small procedure. After 14 weeks your care team will talk you through your options. Some people are offered an anti-D injection, depending on their blood group.

Looking after yourself

• Bleeding can last up to 2 weeks and tummy pain a few days. Paracetamol and rest can help.
• The NHS advises waiting until your symptoms have gone before having sex, because of infection risk.
• Your next period can take up to 8 weeks to arrive, and it may take a few months for your cycle to settle. Your usual tracking may not match your old pattern for a while.
• A pregnancy test can stay positive for a couple of weeks. Ask your early pregnancy unit if you are unsure.
• You can try again when you feel ready, after your symptoms have gone. There is no required waiting time and no “right” time to feel ready.
• Grief can come in waves, sometimes weeks later. Partners grieve too, sometimes differently.
• Miscarriage UK and Tommy’s offer free support lines. Your GP or early pregnancy unit can arrange counselling.
• You can change or pause app reminders in settings whenever you need.

See your GP if you have had 3 or more miscarriages in a row. You will usually be offered tests to look for a treatable cause, plus support. Tommy’s also has a Miscarriage Support Tool that estimates the chance of a successful next pregnancy.